It’s always enjoyable to be introduced to really cool people, especially if you were vaguely aware of them, but didn’t really know them. I was recently introduced to Bill Withers, well not personally. Ok – it was a CD, but I’m sayin…..It’s like reading a scripture that you had always heard, but never actually saw. I would like to begin this soapbox with the lyrics to a song that I have recently been introduced to, “I Wish You Well” by Bill Withers.
I wish you flowers, sunshine and smiles
I wish you children that grow to make you proud
I wish you pretty things to wear
Sweet things to smell
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (welllllllllllllllll)
I wish you good friends that always treat you fair
Wanna wish you ribbons to tie around your hair
I wish you, truckloads of cheer
And many happy years
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (wellllllllllllllllll)
I wish you freedom to do the things you love
Wanna wish you blessings and kindness from above
Wanna wish you sunlight through the clouds
I hope you laugh out loud
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well ( welllllllllllllll)
Oh now I wish you well(oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well ( welllllllllllllllll)
Oh now I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
Oh now I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (wellllllllllllllllll)
Oh now I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
Oh now I wish you well (oh I wish you well)
I wish you wellllllllllllllllllllllll (welllllllllllllllllllllllll)
Summer Time
Here it is the groove slightly transformed
Just a bit of a break from the norm
Just a little somethin to break the monotony
Of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be
A little bit out of control its cool to dance
But what about the groove that soothes that moves romance
Give me a soft subtle mix
And if aint broke then dont try to fix it
And think of the summers of the past
Adjust the base and let the alpine blast
Pop in my CD and let me run a rhyme
And put your car on cruise and lay back cause this is summertime
It’s summer time again, ladies and gentlemen! No longer do I have delusions of granduer associated with the summer time. My entire professional life, since graduating from college, I have worked in the field of education. So for countless summers, I have devised a plethora of plans I envisioned to execute during the summers months! I have planned to work out twice a day, visit friends and family members in 15 different states, play all the golf courses in SC, and the list goes on and on. I’ve realized that the summer is like a mirage in the desert. From a far it’s alluring, magical and utopic. Once you are close to it, you realize that it’s just more sand! It is what we referred to in my youth as a “strobe –light honey.”
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the summer time. It is a much needed time of repose and mosquito swapping. But I often find myself defending the fact that I actually work in the summer. I think many of my friends and associates envision my summers to be something out of a VH1 reality show. It seems as if they believe I lay around the pool all day with star hungry floozies feeding me peanut M&M’s and Little Debbie snack cakes until twilight. (Yes, I did say floozies. I bet that’s a word you rarely see in print. What is even funnier is the definition of the word: “a usually young woman of loose morals.” LOOSE MORALS!!! That’s funny. Peanut M&Ms and snack cakes are funny also, but I digress). But that is not my summer at all.
The wiser I get, the more I recognize that summer time can be a very productive time if one creates reasonable and realistic goals. So this summer I have a few well thought out plans that I wish to accomplish. I recognize the value of the summer months and I greatly appreciate them, but I also recognize that easy come – easy go. I do have a pretty ambitious reading goal for the summer, but I know that I can accomplish it…hopefully. So if you have a summer break, enjoy it. If you don’t, stop hating. But whatever category you find yourself in, just don’t leave your house ASHY!!!
Stop, Hammer Time!
Please hand me the HAMMER!!!
Because I’m a comedian, I am often one of the first people to find amusement with foolishness and can certainly be an advocate for foolishness from time to time. However, foolishness is not always welcomed and it is best to address foolishness straightway. Foolishness cannot go unchecked. If you allow foolishness to be comfortable in your presence, you will have a fight on your hands. As the notable Shakespeare wrote, “Better burn it now than curse it then.” So I admonish you to place foolishness on notice whenever it is in your presence.
Now there are a few tools that will keep foolishness to a minimum, and I will share one of them with you now. A hammer. I’m not sure if you are aware of the power of the hammer--not MC Hammer, but a hammer. There’s nothing ambiguous about a hammer. When someone pulls out a hammer, if there was any confusion before the hammer arrived, I assure you the hammer will usher the foolishness out of the room. Now please don’t use a hammer haphazardly. You want to exercise great discretion and wisdom. It’s important to always be in at least three arms lengths to a hammer. Always have a hammer handy. If you find one of appropriate size, it can just fit in the small of your back. Be aware there will be instances that you will be tempted into hasty hammer usage, but do not falter. You mustn’t act rash when a hammer is on your person. Much like the lovely ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha, the hammer is a serious matter. Let’s examine this:
MC Hammer – His lyrical fitness was at best remedial, but no one can deny the seriousness of his dancehall dexterity. If you are not aware of Hammer’s footwork, I suggest you You Tube Mr. MC Hammer. I would think that anyone who would wear all white to a nightclub is quite serious – Word, Word, Word!
Arm & Hammer – Anything that you can brush your teeth, deodorize your home, wash your clothes with and clean the tub with is definitely serious.
Mike Hammer and Sledge Hammer – There are not many things more serious than a hired gun. A gun alone is serious, but a hired gun--that’s a gun that means business.
Those are just a few examples of the power of the hammer. Proceed with hammer caution!
Read a book
It's official: your boy is fully embracing his inner NERD. Since I work at a school, I hear the phrase "summer reading" quite often. This year, I have decided to create a personal summer reading list. Listed below are the books that I'm going to read before school starts again on August 20th. Ten for the founders. Happy reading!
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Mere Christianity - C. S. Lewis
Intruder in The Dust - Faulkner
Sabbath - Wayne Muller
A Comedian's Guide to Theology - Thor Ramsey
The Courage to Teach - Parker J. Palmer
The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
A More Perfect Constitution - Larry Sabato
Eat, Love, Pray - Elizabeth Gilbert
Education is the Key!
Home School in the HOUSE!!!
I find great interest in the different topics that are gaining national attention. A topic that has peaked my interest is called home school. The practice of home schooling children is not new. Cult members have been home schooling their children for decades. Recently home school has been gaining popularity as a more viable educational option for many families. I couldn’t have been home schooled because that requires you to be in the house. My parents and I could never agree on my whereabouts as it related to the house. When I wanted to be in the house, they wanted me out of the house. And when I wanted to be out the house, they wanted me in the house. So that would automatically create some class scheduling challenges. I don’t believe my mother would have wanted to home school us. My mom’s favorite phrase throughout the summer was, “I can’t WAIT till school starts again!” I would also be a little leery about having my parents assigning me homework. My parents would butcher the homework that I would bring home. I remember when my mother would help me with my homework, she would often try to get me to change the answers to questions that I knew I had correct!
Mama – Boy, change that answer!
Me – Ma, I know this answer is already correct.
Mama – What???!!!! How do you know that Boy??!
Me- The answer is in the back of the book, Mama!
Mama – Don’t raise your voice at me boy! I’ll beat ya behind with this textbook!
So I can’t imagine them controlling my curriculum. I would ask my Mom how to spell words, and she would tell me to look them up in the dictionary. Mama, if I knew how to spell the word I would have done that. Knowing how to spell words saves time when you go to the dictionary. I would not have wasted 15 minutes in the P section looking for “specific.” The cats in my neighborhood would always pronounce it as “pacific.”
I would have also had a problem with lunch. In public school, they aim to provide the five basic food groups. At my house, we just would have been eating from one basic food group, leftovers! If not leftovers, I’m sure we would have our fill of Ramen Noodles. After a week of Ramen Noodles, I would want to go back to school. As a kid, I was going to the NBA! No home schoolers are going to the league. Well as you can see, I didn’t make it to the league, but I think as a home-schooled child, I would have liked to be on an athletic team. Can you imagine the mascots for home school? The Dustpans. The Pillow Cases. The Clothes Lines. The Washing Machines. Plus, you never hear about a Back to Home School Bash. A Back to Home School Sale. No one ever gives the home school kids shout-outs. Picture DJ Uncle Mitch at the Back to Home School Bash yelling, “HOME SCHOOL kids, MAKE SOME NOISE!!!”
I’ve noticed that home schooling the children really adds years to the parent who is home with the precious home schoolers everyday. This particular parent looks more hardened than your average parent. Daily living had done a good job of hardening my parents; they really needed a break from us.
HOME SCHOOOOL! YOU KNOW!!!
Cool Words
Egregious – adjective
- Conspicuously bad; flagrant
Ulysses was very nervous about hosting a book club meeting at his house because he has roaches. Ulysses reasoned that it would be an egregious decision to have the group at his apartment, so he reserved a room at the public library.
Exacerbate – verb
- To make more violent, bitter or severe
Mabel is a very kind-hearted person, so when her neighbor asked to borrow some money to buy theEnglebert Humperdinck greatest hits album, Mabel obliged. A few weeks had passed, and the neighbor had not returned the borrowed money. Not only had the neighbor not returned the money, but she also exacerbated the situation buy asking for additional money to purchase the MoKenStef’s greatest hits album.
I hope you have enjoyed another fine edition of the Soapbox.
I truly hope you are enjoying my musing.
Thanks for visiting!
You can Holla at your BOY in a number of different ways
Email me - mtgcomedy@yahoo.com
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